Men's Guide to Women

Who has the majority of the power in the world? The Men? Click your mouse a bunch if you think so…

OK, that’s enough.

Who has the majority of the power in the world? The Women? Now click your mouse a bunch if you that’s right…

Just a second while I tabulate, calculate and otherwise confuse myself. Yes. You are both wrong. Wait, let me double count the clickity count again…(I think) Yes I am certain you are all out in the weeds.

Particularly in this political season (do not send me any political crap. Some of you are dying to share. Don’t.) There is a lot of “women don’t have power”or “men rule the world” stuff out there.

Women say: “Men control the majority of the companies in the world, the majority of the governments; women make up more than half the population and are getting robbed. It is an old boy’s network out there and it is time for a change.” And they would be right, to a point. Easy. Easy. Stay with me.

Men say: “Women have all the power. My ________ (read wife, girlfriend, Mother) tells me what to do all the time. And when my _______ (again, for the unimaginative, read wife, girlfriend, or Mother) is unhappy, everyone around her is unhappy. I cannot work, I cannot think straight until I get that sorted out.”

So, who is right? They both are. Who is wrong? They both are.

Why the hell have you wasted this much time reading this blog? Good question.

Hopefully this thing will start getting better anytime now.

I think I hear a gem of wisdom coming now.

Women, men do TECHNICALLY control the majority of the companies and governments on the planet. But their power is somewhat of an illusion, they are paper tigers, or in reality, Genies.

Yeah, go ahead, re-read it. Genies. Gee-nee-zzzz.

The majority of men are Genies. To steal from a Disney movie, they can have “Incredible Cosmic Power, with an itty bitty living space.”

Men are bold, daring, movers and shakers at the highest level of the species. They are larger than life and spend their life making life changing deals that impact every single one of us every day. They are bathed up to the neck in pure unadulterated, Popeye after a fresh can of spinach, liquid green power. (Throw your best Vincent Price evil laugh here for good measure)
Popeye

Chests out, biceps rippling, buttons popping they stride around their offices barking commands chewing on high dollar cigars, driving expensive cars, drinking the good stuff at lunch as lesser men bow before them and promptly get size a 14 shoe print on the back of their best Brooks Brothers suit.

This is true power. Women have a point that they have been robbed of this sort of power as a species and should be entitled to their fair share. Many women strive for this kind of power. It is sexy. It is intoxicating and would be just wicked cool to play with. Here, I am afraid is where some women go astray.

Seeing the terrible abuse of power, understanding the complete absurdity that men should have all the fun, many women decide they want to play in that puddle, too. Here is where the trouble starts for female kind.

It is not the man is always trying to keep a girl down, though there is some of that.

No, to get the sledgehammer fists of Popeye Power women start to look like Popeye, giving up all of their God given female power they showed up to the party with.

In breaking the “WO” out of “WOMAN” you are not left with “MAN” but “What the hell was that that just walked by?”

Women feel they need pants.  Lots of pants. Lots of jacket top coordinates. Jewelry schmoolery, we don’t need that crap around here, a couple of simple stud earings and a ring, we are good.

Eyebrows tend to get furrowed, hair cuts get closer to the Marine “High & Tight” than the lovely locks they once were, shoulders firm, arms stiffen, and women march around like they have corn cobs up their butts just like their power wielding male counterparts ready to drink in some power and oddly enough beginning to look lot like Popeye.

When looking the part does not get the job done, they start talking and playing like little Popeyes, just like the males they are modeling. They get gruff, mean, and short, become risk takers ready to go in for the kill, just like the boys.

Do you have to look, walk, talk and sound like a power hungry pain the ass guy to get the power? Apparently some do, but I think they are all missing the bigger picture.

God has an amazing sense of humor, but these women ain’t laughin’. They are missing something. Really, they are missing the whole thing.

“Incredible Cosmic Power, with an itty bitty living space.”

They just get the “Incredible Cosmic Power” part. They get so excited at the thought that they forget to read the rest of the contract to truly know what it is to be male. Well, for most of us, but that is a different article.

Here comes the “itty bitty living space” part. What does that mean? Gem of Wisdom time. Every Genie comes with a bottle.

Single men do not typically get to be one of the few world power brokers; there is always an older guy with white hair that is somehow more deserving than he is. None the less, these titans of industry by day are all looking for the ladies at night. Some take in a late night (head)board meeting or two. There is your itty bitty living space. That is where they want to be so desperately that they can and will make stupid decisions that are not rational to serve this desire. Almost no male is immune in the right situation. Men call it the little head leading the big one.

Smart women use this natural characteristic to their advantage. No, not by sleeping around or hunting for Presidential cigars. No, by using this strong desire to shape and mold the male.

Women scoff at the idea of this. This is not power. This does not work. There are so many girls, etc. etc. etc.

Women, when you are unhappy, your male will try to make you happy. He is wired for it unless you have short circuited his wiring from overuse. Women, when he is feeling froggy or feelin’ the love he is at his weakest.

Just because it is not the same bucket of green glowing glop the men draw their power from, does not mean it is not equally, or in many cases, much more powerful.

Helen of Troy, she had a war fought for her butt, didn’t she? Thousands of spear chunking dudes dead for a woman they would never sleep with. Because of the natural power of a woman, men built a huge hollow horse and hid in the thing almost all night for a woman some of them would never even see.

Women have huge wells of fantastic power; it is just not as overtly used. Or at least not as undeniably effective when it is overtly used.

What about married men, you say? They, in a word, are whipped.

“When Momma is not Happy, nobody is Happy.”

Almost every guy knows this phrase, except the real young ones.

This refers to the FACT that when the primary woman in a male’s life is unhappy, bent, pissed off, hair on fire like a hellcat, whatever, then every male around her in her circle of influence knows she is not happy and will not be able to function at peak performance until someone can make her happy again.

Old rich guys address this by throwing money at the situation. To them the money is much easier to replace than her overall happiness. That’s some power, Jack.

I do not think any guy knows where this power over us comes from, but it is there. We do not talk about it much, but I for one would damn sure cut it out with a knife if I could find it in me.

When the primary female in your life is bent you can’t think right, you cannot focus; you cannot step nearly as confidently or with as much purpose because you know things are not right at home.

Now before you run out and try to break this out on someone, know that there are always exceptions to every hard and fast rule. Also, as with a male’s natural power, abuse of power can and will have catastrophic effects leading to some well deserved humongous backfires.

Now, back to our earlier question where you voted with all those “clickities”

Women say: “Men control the majority of the companies in the world, the majority of the governments; women make up more than half the population and are getting robbed. It is an old boy’s network out there and it is time for a change.”

Women are right in that men do overtly control many things. However they lose sight of the fact that most of these men have a female at home (not to imply all women are homemakers or that there is anything wrong with any chosen female profession) who covertly control their men. Based on what we just learned here her natural power may well exceed his power at certain times, just as his may exceed hers.

The point is there is true power in being both male and female. It is not the same power, and they are not equal in strength all the time. The strength of the power may change in an instant.

I think it is a mistake for women to so readily give up their natural covert power in favor of going after what the men have in overt power, though it is easy to understand the reasoning.