Men's Guide to Women

Note:  You should read Geeks Guide Part 1 before reading this one. 

Talking to Females and what to talk about…

Depending upon how wrapped around the axel you are in your nerdness, this may take some serious planning.

Where to begin?

First, she is human, we have established that. She is female and based on her age she has been walking around on the planet for at least a decade or two. That being the case she probably has some things she is interested in.

Look at her. Not like a fruit loop stalker, just be observant.  It is time to make a Scouting Report.  Does she have a large clunky key ring that would absolutely rip your nuts off if you tried to put it in your pocket? Terrific. Is there a picture on it? Boyfriend, dog, little brother, friends. Does it say something? It might point to her interests.  Write it down on your Scouting Report or make a mental note.

What is she wearing? If it is only a T-back, either keep stuffing dollars or get the hell out of there. Look at her jewelry. Does she have a wedding ring? Might be a problem. Is she wearing what looks like a wedding ring on the wrong finger, might be some room to work there.  Write it down.

Now, I am assuming that this is a female you just spotted. Not that girl/woman at work/school that you have been drooling over for the last two years.

If it is her you probably already have something in common. You work at the same place, you go to school at the same place, and you are in the same department, class. Plenty of stuff to begin a perfectly good conversation with.  (Unless of course the only thing you have in common is a restraining order.)

The point is be observant and you might pick up a tip or two.

Second, get some normal hobbies or interests. Something that makes for good small talk. It is OK to be a gamer freak or participating in weekend “Magic the Gathering” tournaments, lets just not break that stuff out in your first conversation.

Third. Clean up. Look like someone worth dating. Save up a few bucks; find a female or a gay guy to help you pick out some decent cloths. Nothing over the top, nothing completely out of line with your character, just the basics.

Understand, if she does not know you, in her mind you could be a serial killer or Clark Kent. She may not be interested in giving you too much info until she has been able to appropriately categorize you. If you have been quasi stalking her for months, odds are she already has an opinion of you, and bets are it is not glittering.

Next point. Recognize who has the power in the situation and act accordingly. If you are approaching her, she has your sack. If she approaches you, you have her by the bra straps.

Now what?

Get an opinion.

Huh?

You heard me. Get an opinion.

You like a particular female. She is across the room surrounded by a gaggle of other females. Go get an opinion.

Get your butt up and head across the room to get this particular group of female’s opinion on anything that is not completely cheesy or stupid.

(Walking up to the ladies.) "Excuse me. My friends and I over there are in this discussion about what is the most important quality in a potential date. We're at a stalemate so I thought I would come over here get your opinion so you can clear this up for us.  Now I say the most important quality is a sense of humor, Joe says it is how a guy looks and Bill says it is all about the romance. Which is it?"

**This conversation assumes you have a wingman or two.**

Once you have collected all of the opinions from the females, time to introduce yourself.

“Oh, I’m sorry. My name is Dave Slickncuddley.” Now, get the names of a few of the females including the one you are interested in.

Now go back to your conversation for another sentence or two.

So, the consensus from this group is “looks”? Really? I would have bet the farm on “Sense of Humor.” Or whatever.

Now would be a good time to try and separate the one female you like from the herd, if possible. Let’s assume her name is Karen.

“It’s Karen, right?” You are not going to forget the name of the hottest girl at the table, but she does not need to know that. This is the first step to getting your sack back.

“Karen, could I talk you into coming over here with me for a minute and educating my friends for me?”

She might say yes, she might say no. No guarantees in this game, baby. Now you are ready for Part 3 of the Geeks Guide.