Men's Guide to Women

What do you write on the card when you send your wife/girl friend flowers?

What do you write in the card you get her on her birthday or your anniversary?

What are you writing for Valentines Day or when you need to say your sorry?

From what I see it looks like we have given up on writing love notes or love letters hoping that the writers at Hallmark have captured it for us in one of the thousands of cards at the local retailer.

As long as you can sign your name and lick an envelope, you are all good, Right? Wrong.

If your love note writing has been reduced to store bought cards you are missing the boat. Your female is happy to get a card I'm sure, but she would reward you 100 times over for a legitimate well thought out letter written in your own handwriting.

I know why we do it.  It's easy, there is not a lot of thinking involved. You just roll down to the local  greeting card establishment and browse the card isle with fifteen other guys trying to find the perfect card that says something resembling something poignant for the occasion.

Do you know what every one of those 15 guys is going to after they buy the card?

Everyone of them drives home, parks in the garage, breaks out the card and signs it on the steering wheel hoping that does not somehow make the airbag pop. After signing on the Steering Wheel of Love, they stride in the house giving the card to their female with a kiss like they had the card ready for days.

Every year the same events roll by. Every year I see that same look of panic on guys faces as they try to find the right card or come up with something, anything to put down on paper.

Relax, lets tackle the problem this year so next year you can scoff in the face of danger.

After years of pathetic attempts at buying romantic cards I finally figured it out. A simple handwritten note to my female earns twice as many points, twice as many tears if I get it right, and at least twice the appreciation I get from  store bought cards. (For a better understanding of "points" click here for a definition of the BoingBook Points System.)

When she gets a hand written note she knows I was thinking about her and took my time to stop and put my feelings down into words. That is relationship gold when it is done right.

Of course, just like any tool that can be used for incredible good things can go terribly wrong if you botch it.

The objective is to touch her heart with your words to remind her with tangible proof of your love for her or to forgive you for being an ass for whatever stupid thing you did or were thought to have done. Some of us are truly innocent from time to time.

Here is a good example of a love letter gone wrong…

Shiela,

Happy birthday! I love you so much. I just can't stop thinking about you. I can't get your huge boobs out of my head…

This letter starts with such promise and then makes a sharp left turn on Stupidity street. This guy probably did more damage with this letter than he would have done by blowing off her birthday and going to have a beer with the guys.

Intro to Love Note & Love Letter Writing

Here are some suggestions to help you write the various pieces of love stuff you have to write over the course of any given year.

1. Write love notes. Keep it simple, one or two sentences at most. Hide one under her pillow or someplace she is sure to find it when you are not around. She will love it and it will earn you big romance points.

Here are some examples to get your creative juices flowing:

I smile when I think of you.

Thank you for the wonderful woman you are.

You are always there when I close my eyes

Your love makes me a better man

2. If you are not ready to wing it and write a true love letter, go ahead and buy the Hallmark card that fits to occasion and write something on the inside. You know your woman so don't get too corny and stupid for her tastes, but a little corny is OK.

When I look at you I see beauty with love smiling back at me.

I love you, I love holding your hand and feeling the warmth of your love for me.

3. Write a Love letter. She wants to know how you feel. She could use an ego boost or a good reminder of what she means to you. It is easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff of our daily lives and never get around to doing the "building the relationship stuff." Sometimes we forget who or what we are doing it all for. A love letter can be the perfect way to remind her how important she is to you.

To begin writing take one of the simple phrases above or one of your own and expand on it for a few more lines. To make a point on how simple it can be I grabbed a few of these phrases and put them together. This example is a little bit all over the place, but you will get some editorial slack from your woman if you will just put forth the effort.

I smile when I think of you. When we met I thought you were beautiful, now I know you are even more beautiful on the inside. When I look at you I see beauty and love smiling back at me. Your love makes me a better man. I love you, I love holding your hand and feeling the warmth of your love for me. With you my life is full.

I look forward to kissing those delicate lips, caressing your face and staring into those amazing eyes. See you tonight.

Advanced Love Note & Letter Writing

There are whole books dedicated to the subject of writing love letters.    This is the down and dirty version.

1. Determine your letters objective. What outcome do you want the letter to achieve? Scribble down some notes until you have the objective worked out. If you fail to do this you could end up with a letter that rambles on never reaching the point. (example: to get her to forgive me; to tell her I love her; to let her know I appreciate her; to make her feel sexy)

2. Make it personal. You might include little elements that show you have been paying attention. Remind her of a special dinner somewhere where she looked particularly beautiful, maybe it is a small detail like the way the corners of her eyes turn up when she smiles; maybe it is a birthmark or a freckle somewhere that you remember. What are some things she treasures from her childhood? Remind her of a special song or a special place.

3. Tell her how you feel. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked what I was thinking or being scolded for not being emotionally open by a woman I would be a very wealthy man. As such, I make sure that at some point in the letter I tell her how I feel about her.

4. Be yourself, don't get too far out of character. If you are a gruff beer swillin', truck driving, iron eating, steel crapping never say "I love you" kind of guy, don't write a letter so sugary sweet that would make it sound more funny than serious. Be true to yourself, be honest. If you are not writing this letter because you are in trouble, you could be in trouble after she reads it and wonders what you did to write a letter so completely out of character. She loves you and that is who she wants to hear from. Doing anything less is the equivalent of giving her a Hallmark card because it will be obvious neither one was written by the real you.

5. Determine your letters content. How are you going to get from "Dear LuvBunny," to your objective? What are you going to write about? You might make a list of the things you want to include, keeping some of the previous points in mind.

6. Handwrite it if possible. The extra points you earn will be worth the hand cramps, trust me.

Other Factors to Consider

Once you have your letter written you need to think about how you are going to give it to her. She will probably be stunned that you wrote something from your heart in the first place but paying attention to the time, place and setting could double or triple the impact of the letter.

How do you use Time, Place & Setting?

By making it personal. Take her to the first restaurant you ate at together and give her the letter there. Rent the DVD of the first movie you saw together and tape it to the bottom of the bowl of popcorn. If you met at church, put the note in a hymnal where you normally sit.

I think you get the idea. You have tied the words of your letter to personal things about her or between the two of you, now tie the delivery of the letter to something that is physically personal between you. Get this right and you will be a man among boys when she gets back and talks to her girlfriends.

Here is one example of how it worked out for me.

Several years ago I was relocated with my work to a city four hours away from our home. I was working sixty hour weeks coming home on the weekends when I could. We found a place to live in the new city and the company was going to pay for the move, we just had to pack it all up.

Our little girl could not have been more than six months old and my wife was stuck doing the packing almost entirely by herself while having to keep an eye on the baby. When I talked to her at night I could tell she was exhausted but she never complained. She knew it had to be done and was getting it taken care of.

When moving day came my wife was there all day to oversee the loading of the truck and loading all of the things we would need right away in her car. My wife called me at work early that day stressed to the max. I tried to calm her down and we talked through a few of the details. Later in the afternoon she called to tell me the movers were behind schedule and she would not be able to leave until late so she decided to stay in hotel that night about halfway between us. My little girl was not happy either so my wifes stress level was through the roof.

I told her I would book the hotel if she would tell me where she wanted to stay. After all, it was the least I could do quite literally. She told me and I got it done.

I got off at 9:00pm that night and decided that it was the perfect time for a random act of kindness letter.

I wrote a letter telling her how much I loved and appreciated her and thanked her for her hard work.  I decided to drive to her hotel and leave the letter for her in her hotel room when she checked in so she would get a little surprise when she got there.

Suddenly though I had an "ah-ha" moment and decided to maximize the time, place and setting to help my letter get maximum impact.

I went out and bought a nice terrycloth robe, a good set of super plush bath towels and wash rags, candles, some lavender stuff to put in the bath to help her relax, lavender lotion and some skin cleansers of the same brand.

I got to the hotel room well ahead of her and took out all of the basic bath stuff the hotel provided and replaced it with everything I bought. It looked like a five-star bathroom by the time I was done. I set candles everywhere and called my wife to see where she was. She thought I was still at work.

When she was about five minutes away I lit the candles and drove to a safe distance where I could see the room and her car when she drove up. (I also swore the desk clerk to secrecy.)

When she got to the room she had loads of bags in one hand, carrying our daughter in the other all while trying to unlock the door. I could tell she the frustration on her face a good fifty yards away.

When she got in the door she sat our daughter down on the bed and looked around with a stunned look on her face. I arrived behind her just in time to catch the door before it shut. 

She saw the letter on the bed and was reading it when she noticed me. My daughter was sleeping.  My wife turned and jumped in my arms almost on the verge of tears. It was a mix of frustration from the way the day went and the surprise of me being there I suppose.

I helped her unload her things while she checked out the room. I got a hot bath running for her while she got changed. I watched a little TV and took care of my daughter while my wife soaked in the tub and relaxed. When she came out she was very relaxed. She dried her hair, slipped straight into bed and was asleep in minutes. She did not stop thanking me for weeks.

Good Letter. Good Timing. Good Location. Good Setting. Happy Wife. Happy Husband.

That should be your goal. One "I love you" Hallmark card would not have been remembered the next week, but this is something that is still remembered to this day. That is maximum impact.  That is something that writing from the heart can give you that a store bought card just cannot do on its own.

Good writing.

As a bonus I put together some resources for you if you need to get some additional letter writing help. 

Additional Resources

The internet.

If you need some good phrases or quotes here are a few places that might give you a kick start. By the way, we are not compensated in any way shape or form for the links below. I am just trying to help a brother out.

http://www.love-letter-romance.com/romantic.html The Love Letter Kit. I have not tried the kit, but it looks like a pretty fair value at $15.00

http://www.1-love-quotes.com/ Love Quotes has a searchable collection of some 3,500 phrases and sayings. They are sorted alphabetically as well. There are quite a few that are over the top so choose wisely.

http://www.romanticinspiration.com/romantic-ideas-for-anyone/romantic-quotes-and-phrases Craig and Sarah have a simple straight forward site with ten or so lines that might work for you.

http://www.boardofwisdom.com/default.asp?topic=1005&listname=Love Art Schrage has a nice board with all kinds of material to work with.

http://library.lovingyou.com/quotes/ There is a wealth of quotes for you to pick from and some additional resources that you might find helpful.

Boingbook.com - Mens Guide to Women.

That’s right, me. Contact us with the subject REDLETTER in the heading or post if you need serious help. I have several people available to get your project pulled together. Understand though that our writing will be geared for American women. We have readers in 22 countries which may very well be Americans abroad, but I do not want to set any false expectations. We will send out a worksheet to collect data on your female, what you are trying to say and pull it together for you. We can break out the fancy paper, wax seals, calligraphy, etc. just depending upon what you need. Once you approve the draft we will FedEx the final version to you. If you need some help, let a brother know. These letters start at $25.00.

SPECIAL NOTE:

We are collecting love letters from all over the world. We want to compile a huge archive of letters as a source for future love letter writers and as a place to commemorate special love letters. If you have a love letter that you would like to submit please let us know. We will absolutely protect the privacy of every one that sends a letter.