Men's Guide to Women

Throughout my entire dating life I have heard women complain about the jerks they date. I have been on the phone for hours with beautiful women listening to them cry and kick themselves for some guy I was usually playing wingman for. Eventually, I would hear this line come out of their mouths.

   Why do all the men I date turn out to be losers?

At the time this was going on I was still young and stupid. I thought that I could faithfully serve as wingman and satisfy my built in desire to be the white knight and fix women's problems as well. (Read more about the White Knight Complex here.)

It would only take me 11 years to figure out how stupid I was, which, when I think about it, was even more stupid. I think that makes me stupid². Anyway, back to the point.

When a guy tells you about a problem that he has not already solved he would generally like help finding a solution. I innocently thought the same would be true with women. The mere thought of that makes me laugh now. The difference, I later determined, was that most women just want you to listen, they do not want an answer to the problems they pose. In some cases they act insulted if you offer to help. (Read more about this illogical phenomenon here.)

So many times I was stuck listening to these women drone on for hours without ever being given a true opportunity to help. This is what I have always wanted to say to them.

" First and foremost you date losers because at some level you like the way that particular loser makes you feel.

If now is one of those moments when you are crying and searching the internet looking for an answer to that age old question because your girlfriends are tired of listening to you, you would say that what I am saying is not true. At this moment you are done with him. It is over and some guy out there that likes you really hopes you mean it this time. Yes, you hate your loser man, he is an a**hole, but we both know your opinion will change soon unless he has done something catastrophic.

For the sake of clarity, I am defining two kinds of losers. The ones women love and follow because they have a sense of purpose, they have confidence in where they are going even if it is only to the couch, they have leadership qualities that provide a sense of comfort to a woman who has enough of her own insecurities without wanting to deal with his, too. This guy can work on Wall Street or live under a bridge on Maple Street, makes no difference. Then there is the other guy who might look and sound the same but he attracts women on a whole different level.

This second personality type is the guy we will spend the balance of our time talking about. The main difference between these two types of guys is one commands respect and makes the women around him feel comforted the other guy is a drug.

The loser guy may be a complete a**hole 95% of the time, but the other 5% he makes a woman feel like the only woman on the planet and gives her so much love and attention, albeit sometimes in some very sick and twisted ways, that he has become a wickedly addicting drug.

Does she know he is bad for her on some level? Absolutely.

Do her friends tell her he is bad for her? Every day his name comes up, I'll bet.

Does he treat her like complete "dog logs" sometimes? Absolutely.

Then why doesn't she leave him? "Nice" guys have been asking that question for centuries.

I think it's because when he does show her love and affection it is so powerful that all the crappy things he has done just seem to fade away.

Ding. Ding. Ding. I think we have a winner!

 In a room full of bland normal apples(guys), he is like a lemon you can't help but sink your teeth into. He is sour but he is strong, intense enough to make your eyes water, and will light up every nerve ending in your body with just one bite like a plain ol' apple never could.

She will put up with his crap because his rewards can be so sweet she is willing to take the abuse. In guy terms we would say that the Pay to Bullsh*t Ratio is right in line for her. Saying, more or less, in her mind she gets more reward out of the relationship than negatives.

Is he right for her? Nope. Everybody and their seven dogs around her knows that much.

"Maybe he will change." She says. That is the drug talking. Apples don't taste like lemons, lemons don't taste like apples.

(Figuratively turning the camera around to talk directly to the woman now...)

If you want to truly stop dating a**holes you have to kick the habit because what at times can feel so good, is no good for you.

There is another point that seems to get missed when dealing with an a**hole addict and here it come with both barrels.

All of this is your fault.

You allow this to happen to you for some reason that is probably too long to go into here. You cannot control the actions of another person, but you have absolute control over your own.

I would venture to say that in every crappy relationship you have ever had there have been signs that have repeated themselves over and over again. How does he treat his mother? How does he treat his whole family? How does he treat the waitress when you go out? Most of the questions I have just rattled off are clichés, but I hope you get the point, open your eyes and really see what is going on around you.

 One last point. After the last of these crappy lemon relationships have ended, get away from the fruit bowl for a while and hang out with your friends until you can develop a taste for a nice juicy apple. Do not abuse the apple for not making you feel the way the last lemon-boy did. Lemon-boy bad. Apple-boy good.

Remember, an apple a day keeps the a**holes away.

(Turning the camera back around to the guys in the room)

What should be your take away on this, guys? Well, simply put, no matter what your social standing, description or tax bracket grow a set of stones and have an opinion. Find some confidence or fake having confidence until it finds you. Many a**hole guys move forward all the time like they know exactly what they are doing when they don't have a clue. They use their crappy behavior as a weapon to push weaker men aside. At some level that is just sexy to women. Sick, but sexy none the less.