Men's Guide to Women

When I was writing the article on putting together a scouting report on a prospective first date it occurred to me I might have missed something.

I went back through the published articles and sure enough we missed a huge step in the dating process that many a man gets hung up on.

I could not believe I missed it when so many guys get stuck in this one area.

I checked around to see what else was out there on the subject and found surprisingly little. Just a few lines on the subject here and there.

Talking to women is what is missing. I don't mean a list of lines or approaches to use to talk to women I mean physically opening your mouth and getting the actual words that you want to say out of your head.

Some guys are uncomfortable speaking in public, some guys just can't do it. The experts are saying up to 75% of the population has some sort of issue with public speaking some borderlining on Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking.

Case in point, I am out with a couple of my friends having a some drinks a good while back. We see this guy bounce off his barstool with a sense of purpose on his face. He polishes off his drink and sacks up the courage to walk across to the tables where several women are standing chatting about something.

This guy is concentrating so hard he looks like he needs to take a bathroom break first, but credit the guy for making the walk. I am sure his is focusing on what he is going to say because that is certainly what I would be doing.

He arrives at the table and manages to get himself in good position to talk to a little brunette in the group. She kind of smiles at him, can't see his face but it is obvious the group has recognized the fact that he is standing there.

The cloths look good, his overall look seems put together, his timing looks pretty good. Yeah, I would give him a 8.0 so far. I grab a drink and watch like the nosy guy I am.

Then he opens his mouth and nothing comes out. Not a squeak and he is rattled. I think his best bet is to run away quickly or hit the floor and flop around a bit. Not that that would help but it would be fun to watch. He tries again, this time sounding a lot like someone just jammed a sock in his mouth.

     You hear the engine sputtering, he is starting to stall...  Pull it together man.  Nose down, get some oxygen in there.

The poor guy is tensing up. Sweat is starting to bead up on his forehead. He decides to go for the stall tactic clearing his throat a bit to buy more time.

     He has definitely nosed over and started a terrible dive.

He's got nothing left. She is started to wrinkle up her forehead, the hourglass is almost empty, he decides to shoot from the hip and just spits it out.

"

    You look beautiful tonight.

He says, or more accurately is what he meant to say.

The problem is everyone outside his head heard this:

"

     New WookWika BuT Ful Tunight

Oh yeah, look at her face, he is clearly on fire and headed straight down because what she heard was the same thing I heard.

"

    You look like a butt full tonight.

     Mayday.  Mayday.  Mayday.  Smack.

That was the sound heard round the room as her hand slapped him across the face and splashing his Cranberry Manhattan all over her, her friends, the bartender and some mean drunk SOB named Bubba.

OK, maybe I took a little creative license with that last part, but what just happened?

He flat out could not talk. Come to find out there are millions of guys that cannot give a speech or stand up in front of a crowd, let alone talk to a strange hot girl in public. In the most extreme cases it is diagnosed as Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking. This phobia is said to impact as much as 75% of all people in one form or another. Some are said to fear Glossophobia more than death. Yikes. I will take a speech and a surly crowd any day.

If you want to a full list of all the phobias, click  Phobia Central

So what does this have to do with you? Well if you are that guy or a guy that has a challenge just coming up with words, any words, to say in the presence of a beautiful woman lets look at some tools to help you get past that issue by looking at how they help these guys.

If you think you might have a problem or are seriously afraid to speak in public, take a quiz to find out The Fear of Public Speaking Phobia Self-Help Test

• Toastmasters International - I am starting by breaking out the big guns. If you have serious issues in the area of public speaking that impacts your ability to talk to women and you want to talk to women, look up your local chapter.

• These guys will not only help you strengthen your public speaking skills they can also help you with the symptoms related to the stress of the situation like dry mouth, losing your place or shaking uncontrollably.

• Simple Scripting and Practice - write down two or three things you would like to say in an opening conversation and practice them in the mirror over and over again until you can say the lines in your sleep. That is how they train soldiers, drill them and drill them until the desired behavior is second nature so it is automatic when the action starts.

• Set a goal of twenty seconds. That’s it. We are taking baby steps here. With your scripted lines you should have a goal of talking to a woman for twenty seconds. Have an escape planned like,

"

   Oh, excuse me I see my friend. Nice meeting you. I'm sorry, I didn't get your name, I'm Joe.

Just get through twenty seconds and when you feel you can do that bump it to thirty seconds until you can talk to females.

If you are seriously still freaked out maybe you should talk to your doctor about non habit forming beta-blockers that can help screw your head back on straight. Again, if you are looking at the meds as a true option, go see the doc.

The last thing I want to say about talking to women and is probably the lamest and most overused line and that is just get to a point where you can relax a bit. You have to be relaxed enough that your brain can help you think on your feet while in conversation, not being worried about freezing up, sweaty hands, etc.

Just for Fun - Here are the Top 10 Phobias

1. Arachnophobia:

• The fear of spiders.
• This phobia tends to affect women more than men.

2. Ophidiophobia:

• The fear of snakes.
• Often attributed to evolutionary causes, personal experiences, or cultural influences.

3. Acrophobia:

• The fear of heights.
• This fear can lead to anxiety attacks and avoidance of high places.

4. Agoraphobia:

• The fear of situations in which escape is difficult.
• This may include crowded areas, open spaces, or situations that are likely to trigger a panic attack. People will begin avoiding these trigger events, sometimes to the point that they cease leaving their home.
• Approximately one third of people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia.

5. Cynophobia:

• The fear of dogs.
• This phobia is often associated with specific personal experiences, such as being bitten by a dog during childhood.

6. Astraphobia:

• The fear of thunder and lightening.
• Also known as Brontophobia, Tonitrophobia, or Ceraunophobia.

7. Trypanophobia:

• The fear of injections.
• Like many phobias, this fear often goes untreated because people avoid the triggering object and situation.

8. Sociophobia:

• The fear of social situations.
• In many cases, these phobias can become so severe that people avoid events, places, and people that are likely to trigger an anxiety attack.

9. Pteromerhanophobia:

• The fear of flying.
• Often treated using exposure therapy, in which the client is gradually and progressively introduced to flying.

10. Mysophobia:

• The fear of germs or dirt.
• May be related to obsessive-compulsive disorder.