Men's Guide to Women

Women, you may not want to read this.  You have been warned.  As they say in the "Wizard of Oz" pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Men, we are going behind the curtain.
I have had a problem for years figuring out females.  They want independence; no they want to be taken care of.  They want romance, no they want painful honesty and to know exactly what you’re thinking.  They want to marry someone rich; no they are most interested in a man with a good sense of humor.  There are thousands of others, but this is a good start.
I like logic.  I like short concise explanations for how things work.  I want to understand it, fix it, and move on to the subject matter at hand. 
Women, from my experience, operate more on emotion than logic.  There is a lot more extra squishy touchy-feely stuff going on than I am prepared to deal with here.
In the curse that is our existence, we are supposed to wonder the earth and find just that right someone we can spend the rest of our lives with, get married, and live happily ever after.
The vows say “Love, Honor & Obey”  I did not hear anything about having to learn an entirely new language, being able to read the significant females mind when she does not feel like saying something or knowing anything about how to work through a problem when you each have entirely different perspectives and toolboxes.
Don’t get me wrong.  I love women.  That is why I am spending vast amounts of time writing all this stuff down so that our collective children will be better at this than we are.
Hopefully as soon as Junior is pulled off the teat, his dad will take him to some future form of this site and give him the facts he is going to need to be successful in life post 15 years old.
Anyway, here was my fundamental problem.
I am an idiot.  I am going to get in trouble with my female.  Not big stuff necessarily.  Things like I forgot to call, showed up late, scheduled an important business meeting over the top of a super special date night, let my mouth get away from me and say something that was a little too mean often times in jest, etc.
To get out of trouble I have to jump through hoops.  A few times I stopped by and picked up some flowers to be a peace offering only to end up picking leaves out of my hair or band-aiding up thorn wounds.
Finally I had a small revelation.  (Angels sing.  Trumpets play.)
I needed a way to use my logical way of thinking in such a way as to keep my more emotional romantic female happy.
Hah!  Good Luck, Bucko.
Then it hit me, a woman, or more particularly a relationship was like a checking account.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, just work with me here for a little bit.
Here are the facts.
1. I am going to do stupid stuff and get in trouble.  That is a full on fact.
2. Flowers/Candy/gifts given when you are in trouble cost twice as much and have little or no point value to the respective female.
3. Flowers/gifts on expected occasions like Valentines Day etc are worth about half point value cost because they were expected.
4. Flowers/gifts have double or more point value when given at completely random times or for completely unexpected things.
Now, what to do with the new found knowledge.
I need to run my relationship like a checking account. 
I write checks or spend points in the account when I do stupid stuff that gets me in trouble, causing me to lose points.
Just like with the bank, the objective of the game is never to be overdrawn.  In a relationship sense is when the bad stuff outweighs the good stuff, typically by a large margin, and it makes more sense to end the relationship than to try and reconsolidate.
With that in mind, I make regular deposits.  I get cards, flowers, candy, small things I know she wants, etc and give them to her at completely random times.  This is a win-win situation.  I get massive economic/relationship points for my dollar and she gets that random spark of romance Cosmopolitan magazine tells her she should be looking for.
Of course, I am out the regular gifts on the regular holidays which bump the point balance in the account, but not to the same extent.
When I do something stupid, I still lose points and try to compensate with some form of gift and still get no point value whatsoever.
The overall goal though is to keep more points in the account than the stupid things you do by your very nature will deduct monthly.
As long as I stay in positive points, all is good at home for the most part, and I have a system my peanut head can follow.
Hopefully you will use this and dig yourself out of the last crap hole you put yourself in with your woman.  If you have a better system, let us all know.
**Two notes to this. 
1.  This system is not meant as a way to do damage control in advance by giving gifts and keep a female hanging around an otherwise piece of crap guy.  Piece of crap guys deserve what they get.
2.  Telling your female about the BoingBook Points System may or may not be beneficial to you.  She may not care how you come up with ways to romance her, just being happy to get the attention unlike her girlfriends husbands/boyfriends, etc that have not found this site yet.  Or she could go ballistic and never give anything above minimal points for anything you do ever again.  Tread lightly.