Men's Guide to Women

BoingBook Mens Guide to Simple Guy Truths & Desires…

1. Guys have wingmen. That is not news, but do you know why we have wingmen?

What IS a Wingman, you say? That’s the guy standing next to me that will stand next to me if things get a little froggy and a fight breaks out. More importantly, the Wingman takes one for the team and keeps your not so cute girlfriend entertained while you and I talk.

2. No, it is never going to work out between the Wingman and your not so cute friend. He is taking one for the team for me and I will return the favor at some point in the future.

3. Just say what the hell you mean! We are relatively simple creatures. Tell us what you want and we will try to work it out. That is much better than the now you see me now you don’t crappy games where we are left guessing what the hell you are thinking. You might like it, think its cute. We think it sucks, and would not put up with it if we had a legitimate alternative.

4. If a guy is calling you at 2:00 in the morning it might be, scratch that, it is a booty call. If he is slightly tipsy, slurring his “S”’s, oh yeah, he had no luck at the bar and you were on the top of his list. This relationship is based on one thing, read anymore into it and you are fooling yourself.

5. Yes, some guys are complete bastards to you. They are the guys that find you. Most of the really nice guys are in the background somewhere doing their work or are completely mortified at the thought of saying anything beyond hello to you as they pass you in the hall. Want a nice guy, look at the ones with the puppy dog eyes that are not talking to you. PSSST! They like you. (Note: They might be ugly as hell, but you can’t have everything.)

6. Quit asking us if you look fat. There is no good answer for this. Yes, damnit, you look fat, you are popping buttons, your ass has two new rolls on it because those jeans are so tight.  The fact that and you had to put them on by laying on the bed and buttoning them with a coat hanger should be your first clue for the love of Pete! We will politely ignore your expanding girth if you will ignore ours and quit asking the damn question.

7. Guys want females they can make happy. There is a phrase passed around among males besides “Touchdown,” “Pass me a beer,” and the all time crude favorite “Pull my finger.” It is perhaps the most important, “If Momma Ain’t Happy, Nobody is Happy.” If you are continually unhappy, dumping it on your man, and he is feeling like there is not a thing he can do about it, you have a problem.  He will not be able to think straight and his performance in every other facet of his life will suffer. A typical guy has got to have things right at home so he can focus on what he has to do at work. At the end of the day, if your guy does not feel like he can make you happy, by and large, he will be out of there! He has been wired since birth to try and make females happy, if he can’t do that with you, he will find a female he can make happy.