Men's Guide to Women

Never, never, never go to the grocery store without a shopping list because you will end up with a basket full of crap you never intended on buying, will miss the basics you really needed, spend way too much money and just have to do it all again tomorrow anyway.

Finding the perfect mate is the same way. Wade in without a list and you will most likely hear or say something like this:

“She was just like the last one, a complete and total b*tch.”

“All guys are a**holes. Where are all the good ones?”

“I just want a guy that will treat me nice.”

Waaaah.

If you are in an abusive relationship, get the hell out. Those types of guys are categorized here as “Sick Bastards.” If a female is abusing you, get help, get the hell out, do something. It is not worth it.

OK. Now for the rest of us.

If you have no idea what you're looking for how in the hell could you be surprised that you have not found it? Is it really surprising that you tend to end up with everyone else’s dating left overs and rejects?

This is not rocket science.

If you only date your friends sloppy seconds, their rejects, and that girl that got drunk at the office party, you should slap yourself.

Slap yourself one more time and give me a "Hell Ya!" if you have had enough of the phychotic she bitches and the world class over possessive a**holes of the world to last a lifetime.

There is not one fish in the sea for you. Hell there is not even one school of fish. There are people that would be perfect for you except for the fact that live in Russia or somewhere speaking a language where you cannot even pick out the cuss words. We are not wired for “One fish in the sea.” Put a guy on a deserted island with 5 ugly, mean women and eventually one of them will begin to look better than the rest. We are wired to just make more of ourselves.

I call the effect Dating Goggles. You have your standards for a mate, then you have all of the potential mates walking around in your job/city/school. When no one meets your standards, instead of going someplace else where you might find someone who matches what you are looking for, you are more likely to reduce your standards and take the least bruised in a bucket of beat up apples.

If you want to find the perfect mate for yourself, first you should determine what the heck it is you are looking for.

It may be easier to look back at your past relationships and start by listing the specific qualities you absolutely do not want.

If you are not sharp enough to come up with a list either you have not dated enough to know, or you are destined for a life of dating mediocrity.

Once you know the basics, add some specifics. What activities do you enjoy that you would like to have in common with a girlfriend/wife? If you love to hunt and want a female to hunt with you, better put it on the list. If you love to hunt and do not want a women anywhere near 100 miles of the deer lease, better put it on the list of something you absolutely do not want.

Once you have your list, look at who you are dating.

Do they measure up? Or, are they around because they are safe, a good late night booty call, or some other lazy reason.

If they do not match the list, either the list is wrong (which it won’t be if you are honest) or you need to throw that person back in the sea and go fishing.

Remember 50% of marriages end in divorce, which also means that roughly 50% of all of the wealth in this country is always on the move in a constant flux of ownership.

Is it worth half your stuff to be wrong? No? Then quit dating the one you are not going to marry because you do not want to hurt his or her feelings. Screw that. You have to tell her/him. They may throw crap at you and call you bad names, but that is better than some of the alternatives.

If things are not working out, fix it or forget it. Both of you deserve that much as you only go around once, and she is only hot for so long.

Once you have a basic idea of what you are after head out into the market. Go on a date.

Did she fit the list? She had a quality you did not know you wanted? Write it down. She had a quality that you somehow forgot annoys the hell out of you, write it down.

Over time this should help you refine what you are looking for and once you know what you are looking for it sure is much easier to find it.

Let’s say your list looks something like this:

Brunette

Blue/Green eyes 1^st Choice

25-36 years old

5’4” – 5’10” in height.

Slender and muscular.

Nice figure with curves

Like the outdoors/camping hiking etc

Wants children in the future

Will have a career

Republican, politically active

Donates time and energy to civic organizations.

Goes to church.

With that list, where might you find this girl?

Probably not at the Democratic National Convention or the doughnut shop. Maybe not McDonalds, unless she is eating that China chicken-glazed-mandarin-almond Salad thing. However if you are 100 pounds overweight and never saw a Big Mac you didn’t want to eat you might have an issue. See where I am going here?

You could look for this girl by donating your time to charitable events and get to know the people putting them on. You might meet her on a hike or in an outdoor equipment store. You might meet her through the Republican headquarters. You might meet her at the gym.

All I am saying is that if you get a list together and refine it as you date various people, you will have a pretty good shot of ending up with the person you want. You will also have a better idea of where you can fudge on your list and not impact your overall long term happiness.

One final note that your Dad should have told you.  If you only date ugly, you are going to marry ugly.  If you think you cannot do better than ugly, guess what?  You will end up with ugly.  (See Man Rule 22)

If you end up with ugly and his/or her sweet personality goes out the door over the years you have just bought yourself a lifetime subscription to butt ugly.

"Butt Ugly" here is defined as someone that is no fun to look at and no fun to be around unless you are looking at their butt as they walk out the door.