Men's Guide to Women

Why do you date?

Seriously, ask yourself that question.

If you are or were married, ask yourself why you got married.

Why aren’t you completely happy just hanging out by yourself until you eventually take your place in the dirt?

Maybe you date for the sex; maybe you date for fun, maybe conversation, something to do, someone to kiss, maybe someone to dance with, who knows.

 Humans do not do anything without a reason.

You were single.  You decided to date.  Why?

Because at the time you thought people who were dating had something that was missing from your life.

You were dating.  You decide to get a girlfriend.  Why?

Because at the time it seemed like having a girlfriend would fill a hole in you and subsequently make life better or having her leave because you did not make her your girlfriend would open a hole that would make your life worse.

This is true of marriage (with some unexpected eight pound exceptions,) being separated, divorced, being a bachelor, being single, dating again, getting a girlfriend again, getting engaged, getting married, etc. until we are done and in the pine box.

 You date because, from your perspective, life is going to be better or at least not any worse for “taking the next step.”

When dating you want to be happier, have a better life, or fulfill something that was not there when you were single, right?

So why do we go online in mass to sort through and select our potential date/partner/girlfriend/wife with maybe a picture and a profile that gives us very little honest feed back on how ours lives or our happiness will be impacted? 

 As a test, look at these simplified online dating profiles.  Which of these two women would you go out with knowing that the end goal is to have a happier life or at least have something better than what you had being single.

Which one of these women give you the perception that your life will be better or happier if you went out with them?

 A woman with 35”-24”-35” measurements, born November 1972, 5’11” tall, 126lbs, blonde hair, blue eyes, from California

Or…

A woman with 35”-26”-37” measurements, 5’11” tall, 135lbs., born in 1975, brown hair dyed blond, green eyes, from Africa

Go ahead, pick.  No photos with these bios, just the facts at the Boingbook dating service. 

Who did you pick?  How did you arrive at your selection?  Do you feel happier for making that selection?  Does reading down a row of personal statistics help you understand which woman is perfect for you? No. 

 
That’s the point.  You cannot possibly gauge happiness by a picture and a list of personal statistics.

So let’s turn that around.

If you are dating in the online world or the real world, and you want to attract someone, what is the best way to get it done?

Do not talk about you.  Do not talk about your personal statistics.  Tell them how their life is going to be better with you in it.  Tell them the benefits of dating you, and tell them right there in the bio.

Every person using one of these online dating sites is looking for something or someone that they percieve to be better than what they have right now, in some way.  That is what everyone there signed up for anyway.  The photos and stats are just there to narrow down the field, culling out nice guys and a**holes alike.

Think about the person sitting there reviewing the profiles.  She only has so much time and so many opportunities to date, so why should she pick you over the other 99 guys she is looking at?  Show her how you can help her find that next level of happiness she is looking for with you.  She is looking for the same perceived happiness that comes with a date that you are looking for, remember?

Dating online or in person, tell her who you are.  You may be a doctor, or a grocery store clerk but that is not who you are, that is what you do.  You might be 5’0” tall or you might be 7’1”, but that is not who you are, that is the size of the box you are in. 

Are you too short, too fat, too old, too young, too messed up, too shy, too much of a momma’s boy.  So what?  There will be women that will rule you out on those criteria.  That is fine.  That is what they are supposed to do, that is how the whole process works.  The women you want are the ones that are looking for happiness with a guy like you more than they are looking for a guy that does not have your “too whatever” issue.

I am sure you know women and men alike that set specific criteria for what they were looking for in another person and married someone totally different.  Why?  Skipping the drunken ones that got married in Vegas at 3:00am, because when it came time to make a decision, the qualities in the person they actually selected was worth more to them than all the other items on the list combined.

You can tell yourself you only date 5’10” blonds, blue eyed, 130lbs, large breasted supermodel that loves you, cooks fantastic, loves football, loves sex as much as you do and you might find her.  Of course, you could end up a lonely crusty old dude.

You might, however meet a 5’4” brunette with brown eyes, 130lbs, not so large breasted, that loves you, might love football, and is all you could ever ask for in the type of person she is and quite possibly the single best person you have ever met on the planet. 

You are however going to have to give up on that “likes sex as much as you” thing.  Come on, we have to talk about real women here.

Would you take the brunette?  Depends on how you define happiness.  If you define happiness as walking around with a blond with large breasts who might be a full on hag at home, then the brunette is not for you.

We all want happiness; however we as individuals define it.  If the wrapper is more important to you, then the “picture and a paragraph” sites are where you need to be.  If you are more concerned about the contents of the package and not so much the wrapper then you need to reassess how you do your shopping.

The point, though, is to help you see yourself through this len and change how you advertise and market yourself.  Sell yourself on the qualities you bring as the man you are, as well as the personal statistics to help a woman form a more well rounded impression. 

Show her how her life is going to be better, how she is going to find the happiness she is looking for with you, and you will get more takers.

Some women will absolutely shut you down because of some physical characteristic.  That much is absolutely fact.  Deal with it.

There are always going to be women out there shopping for a fancy wrapper and a bank account, regardless of the person inside.  There are fantastic women out there that are with total losers because the women do not think they deserve, or can do any better.  I guess a jerk they can put up with makes them happier than the thought of being alone.

Again, people make decisions or refuse to make decisions based on how they perceive their life will benefit.  To quote a sales book, some people are motivated by gold medals, or that of achieving more or doing better for themselves, and there are those motivated by German Sheppards, meaning they just move to stay away from the pain.

There are a lot of women out there that would gladly trade the fancy wrapping paper guy for a man that could help them become the women they want to be, feel good about themselves and help them be better women than they could ever be on their own.  The right woman for you will return the favor, and in that you have the makings of a relationship that will last a lifetime.

- Archer

 
  The first dating profile was Rebecca Romijn is from California, the second dating profile was Charlize Theronis from South Africa.