Men's Guide to Women

I have scoffed at this notion in years past though I have seen some of the people I have relationships with pull off amazing transformations like losing weight, stopping a smoking habit and fundamentally changing who they were to be better people.

They say, who ever the heck they are, that it takes 28 days of consistent behavior to set a new habit, yet these normal everyday people are making fundamental changes in who they are instantaneously, and the impressive part is the change sticks.

My best friend stopped smoking at Christmas three years ago, made a resolution on December 31^st, relapsed January 6, 2004 and has not smoked since. From one cigarette an hour, every hour she was awake to none ever again. I find that amazing. She minimizes the accomplishment and beats herself up trying to get closer to being the person she envisions herself being in her mind.

My best resolution in recent years was to lose 10 pounds, I did it by January 18^th, my clothes still fit just about as well as they did in college, and no one could tell the difference, including myself. That sucked. Not the losing weight part, but the fact that that was the best goal I could come up with.

I am not one of those people that finds themselves in a drunken stupor creating a laundry list of resolutions only to systematically blow them all by the end of January. I am happy with the skin I stand in all day, crafting dating advice  and articles about relationships, but I am inspired this year by all of the successful massive changes I have seen the people close to me make.

I want to build a better man. No, I want to be a better man. I am going to change me for the better this year. Cars get redesigned, computers get new technology, software takes a version upgrade, why not me?

I have been basically the same model for twenty years, albeit a little smarter, a little grayer, and a little more opinionated. To be honest, I have not felt the need for a major overhaul, but it is time to upgrade Me, version 38.0.

It is going to take me more than a few days to work out exactly what I am going to tackle, but I am ready to take that walk.

I begin every goal setting session by setting S.M.A.R.T. goals that I learned about through the various management training classes I went through somewhere along the lines of Me version 25.

What are S.M.A.R.T. goals?

A   "S.M.A.R.T."   goal is a goal that is:

S pecific - A goal that avoid generalities like “I want to be a better Dad” and restates the goal more specific like “I will spend 30 minutes everyday doing nothing but playing with my children. I will cook breakfast for my family at least one Saturday a month. I will read a bedtime story to my children every night and make sure they get a bedtime kiss and hug.” Those are specific goals.

Your goals need to answer the six “W’s” to be specific.

Who: Who is involved?
What: What do I want to accomplish?
Where: Identify a location.
When: Establish a time frame.
Which: Identify requirements and constraints.
Why: Specific reasons, purpose or benefits of accomplishing the goal.

M easurable – Simply put, your goal needs to be measurable. You need to establish criteria for measuring your progress toward the goal you set. You need to know if you are on schedule, behind schedule or ahead of schedule in the attainment of your goal.

To determine if your goal is measurable, ask questions such as......How much? How many? How will I know when it is accomplished?

A ttainable - When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.

You can attain most any goal you set when you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. Goals that may have seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them. When you list your goals you build your self-image. You see yourself as worthy of these goals, and develop the traits and personality that allow you to possess them.

R ealistic - To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every goal represents substantial progress. A high goal is frequently easier to reach than a low one because a low goal exerts low motivational force. Some of the hardest jobs you ever accomplished actually seem easy simply because they were a labor of love.

Your goal is probably realistic if you truly believe that it can be accomplished. Additional ways to know if your goal is realistic is to determine if you have accomplished anything similar in the past or ask yourself what conditions would have to exist to accomplish this goal.

T ime Bound - A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame tied to it there's no sense of urgency. If you want to lose 10 lbs, when do you want to lose it by? "Someday" won't work. But if you anchor it within a timeframe, "by May 1st", then you've set your unconscious mind into motion to begin working on the goal.

I am going to begin my journey with two books, the Secret by Rhonda Byrne and  The Law of Success by Napoleon Hill while I formulate my S.M.A.R.T. goals.

I challenge you to stop and take an honest look at yourself and find at least one area where you can improve yourself. Be brutally honest with yourself. What one change would give you the most bang for the buck or the most reward for the effort?

If it is helpful, break down your life into categories and group or refine your goals that way. As an example, I have included a set of goal categories.

Family and Home

Financial and Career

Mental and Educational

Physical and Health

Spiritual and Ethical

Social and Cultural

Let’s walk through some of this together. I am going to build a better me, not a perfect me, much to my wife’s dismay, but a better me. That much is fact. If you are ready to build at least a slightly better you, then I say we take the journey as a group.

I do not know about your goals, but mine will be ready in two weeks. The way I see it there is absolutely nothing to lose because there is merit in the attempt to improve oneself, and glory in accomplishing the objective.  I have attached a link to a video which got my thinking right for the new year, maybe you will like it as well.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/152/3740~Goals-Posters.jpg