Men's Guide to Women

What a "Nice Guy" can learn from an "Asshole"  Part 1

I have seen, read, and heard literally hundreds of guys complaining about why women date a**holes. I was recently asked for some dating tips on how to win the heart of a woman that was dating, or really in a relationship with, an a**hole.

Relationship advice is tough for me to give when we are talking about how to help one guy take a woman from another guy. That is a “net zero” game, and I am the only one who ends up looking like an “A**hole” in that scenario.

Officially, I have never been an “a**hole,” though for the sake of clarity, I do indeed have an a**hole and I have been called an a**hole by a woman more times than I have holes, but for this I have sought out a confirmed professional a**hole to get his feedback on the whole “Why women date a**holes” question. This interview was long so I have broken it up into parts.

“Why women date assholes” interview

Archer: Mr. Hole, I have heard and, in fact, experienced the fact that women do indeed date assholes. I understand you are a confirmed a**hole; can you give me your opinion as to why women date assholes?

Mr. Hole: (laughing) Very funny Archer. Thank you for calling me MISTER, though. That makes me feel better.

The way I see it most women do not date a**holes, I think that is painting with too broad a stroke. A guy should not assume that just because you think a man is an a**hole, or treats another guy like an a**hole, that that is how he treats a woman he is dating or in a relationship with.

There are guys out there dating and in relationships that treat their women like crap, but I think we are calling too many guys “a**hole” for the sake of getting a clear answer to your question.

That being said, women do date, are in relationships with, and in some cases marry what any guy would call an a**hole. From my experience this is more common in younger women, 18 to 25 or so, that are looking for the “bad boy” type. It seems the older women get the less they seem to be attracted to the bad boys for the most part, or they just marry one and are taken off the market.

Women can have a ton of emotional needs and as they get older I think they figure out that being in a relationship with a self centered ass is not always the best way to get those needs met. Maybe they stop dating a**holes because they just get tired of the putting up with it, I don’t know.

I used to be that jerk, so I understand it.

Mr. Hole: That behavior attracts a certain kind of woman and in my opinion, dating that kind of woman is typically more trouble than it is worth.

Archer: You are saying that it is typically younger women that date a**holes, yet I have personally seen women well into their 30’s and up dating a**holes. What’s up with that?

Mr. Hole: Look, there are some women out there that secretly love to be walked all over. For that matter, I could name a few guys that act the same way. I can’t explain it, and personally it sickens me to watch it.

I just assume they are so damn lonely that dating any warm body is better than dating no warm body.

Women like that are all over you like a cheap suit. The meaner you are to them the faster they come back for more. It makes no sense. I try to avoid them and I certainly do not date them anymore.

Archer: Why would you avoid them? They would seem like easy targets for you?

Mr. Hole: They are easy targets, but they are damn near impossible to get rid of. They are into the drama, trying to make a big deal out of everything; they keep calling, showing up where they know you will be, being an ass and making my life hell in the process.

There are guys out that like the drama or that kind of woman I guess. As far as I am concerned, they can date them, hell, marry them for that matter. Good riddance.

Archer: You do not sound like an a**hole to me; you sound like a regular guy. What makes you an a**hole, Mr. Hole?

Mr. Hole: I didn’t come up with that name, somebody else came up with that. You asked me to be here, why don’t you tell me why I am an a**hole, or excuse me, why I’m Mr. Hole.

Archer: Okay. That is fair. You are considered Mr. Hole because your wingmen have told me they always have to deal with the women you date, your ex’s, and all of the drama you create with females.

Mr. Hole: I think that makes them idiots more than that makes me Mr. Hole, but OK.

Look, women, well most women do not go looking for a**holes. I have never met a woman that said “I want to date an a**hole” or “I want to fall in love with an a**hole.”

I could not be successful with women long term if I treated them like crap all the time. At least not the women I want to date or be in a relationship with.

Archer: But, you do treat the women you date like crap? No?

Mr. Hole: No more than any other guy, I guess, but I do not let them walk all over me, if that is what you mean.

Look, it’s simple, women want to date a confident guy that has a life, is secure in who he is, and appears to have it all together, that is what they are attracted to, those are the men they want relationships with. Maybe he is fun and exciting, or just gives her a sense of security, I don’t know and honestly, I don’t care.

I think a lot of these types of guys are called a**holes because they are driven, have goals, and do not stop the world for a woman.

Archer: So women really want to date a man with confidence but the a**hole kind of comes along with it and they end up with a confident a**hole like you?

Mr. Hole: Easy Archer, you are starting to piss me off.

I have success with women because I have my own life, I am happy with who I am and what I do. If I ask a woman out on a date and she says no, no problem, I know I will not have a problem finding a suitable date.

When I go out with a woman we have fun, I make sure she has a good time and feels like I am interested in her, but I do not stop everything and drop to my knees every time her panties get all in a bunch. Hell no.

Many women have told me they hate dating “nice guys” because they tell them they love them way too early, or are all over them, suffocating them.

These “nice guys” start altering their own lives to revolve around her every little desire and that is just plain freaky.

I think regular “Nice guys” get a bad wrap from these spineless wimps because these spineless bastards are so damn desperate to get a date they act like it’s a life or death experience. They practically beg the woman to go out, she caves in and goes, then they bend to the woman’s every whim and give her the creeps. She freaks, stops returning phone calls and tells me all about it over a nice dinner.

Would you want to date that?

Screw that. Women want men, not doormats.

Archer: So why do your friends say you create drama with these women that they have to sort out.

Mr. Hole: I have no idea why they are trying to sort out anything for me. At a certain level I have a problem with that, but if that is how they want to spend their time, whatever.

“The drama” comes in when a woman tries to force me or “politely coerce” me into something I do not want to do or being a man I am not. I see no reason to accept that type of behavior, and I call them on it. I have ruined some nights and pissed off a few women with that, but that is not how you get me to do something.

Archer: Some would call that being selfish.

Mr. Hole: Wake up, Archer that is called avoiding manipulation, not being selfish. Selfish is ignoring her needs or continually putting my needs ahead of hers, which I do not do. Experience has taught me that might work while dating, but long term it is destined for failure. She should not put up with it, and if she does she is not a woman I want to be in a relationship with anyway.

Archer: I see your point.

Mr. Hole: When I am in a relationship with a woman, I am inviting her into my life to see if we are fit and can have fun together. The operative words there are “My Life.” I am not going to put up with a woman that tries to reshape me into her ideal man no more than I would expect her to put up with me trying to reshape her. Screw that.

Archer: I do not hear a lot of compromise in that statement, how do you get away with that?

Mr. Hole: I am the man I am. Sure, there are some tradeoffs in any relationship, but I am not a lump of clay to be reshaped into some woman’s idea of the perfect man. I am the man I am. The core of who I am has to be enough or she needs to move on. If she can’t see that then I will help her move on and then there is more drama, I guess.

Archer: So, it sounds like you have no problem ending a relationship.

Mr. Hole: I used to. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but really what is the point? If I can see the relationship is not going anywhere, why waste one more minute of her or my time dancing around the subject.

End Part I, click here to go to  Part II - What a "Nice Guy" can learn from an "Asshole"  

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