Men's Guide to Women

After watching American Idol for the first couple of nights (yes, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery,) I now understand why people are looking for a faster way to date, and why online dating is exploding.

My epiphany came while watching the masses sing badly. A few of these vocal giants had the audacity to get angry when that simple fact that they cannot sing was pointed out to them.

Amazingly, on something tangible like the sound of ones own voice, seemingly normal people begged, argued, cussed, broke out a hand gesture or two, and in one fine example, bent over putting their butt in the camera telling Simon to kiss their backside, threatening to moon the audience, imagine how reasonable and lucent these people are with the intangibles, such as their own emotions and feelings for themselves and others.

It is somewhat sobering to think that somebody somewhere is dating, has dated, or is/was married to some of these people.

When dating, your perspective is limited by only seeing one or two people at a time. So a string of hags, hounds, and horror stories can just seem like bad luck, but watching American Idol you get some much needed perspective of the bigger picture on just how strange and delusional some humans can be.

American Idol proves that one problem with dating today is that we spend way too much time with the rejects and the emotionally challenged and not nearly enough time with the small percentage of people that have the right stuff. Efficiency is key to dating because millions of people are just, well, emotional ignoramuses.

In any American city, American Idol draws 15-25,000 potential candidates or “dates” for their show, but only 1/10^th of 1%, or roughly 20 people, will actually “go to Hollywood.”

If a person is not sharp enough to realize something tangible, oh like the fact your average bowl of Rice Krispies sings better than they do, how could that person possibly be considered competent enough to successfully gauge intangibles like their own feelings, let alone pick a partner to last a lifetime?

With so many potentially emotionally incompetent boobs walking around putting the normal citizen at risk, I am surprised there has not been a call for government dating legislation.

Fortunately, we are nearly as picky in selecting our dates as we are in selecting our American Idols. Most people will date far less than 100 people in a lifetime, let alone the 100,000 plus that will try out for a given season of American Idol.

Taking a few pointers from American Idol, here are 10 things you can do to bump the speed and quality of your dating game.

1. Take a tip from Simon; be able to be honest and tell the person you are dating that they are not right for you so you are not wasting weeks and months with a person that does not make long term sense.
2. Have a game plan or preset criteria of what you are looking for so you know it when you find it.
3. Get some help wading through the masses. Tell your friends what you are looking for in a woman and see if they can turn up any potential females for you.
4. Listen to the feedback from others. Follow your gut, but keep your ears open to what your friends are saying. They may offer a different perspective that may shed some clarity on the long term viability of your new relationship, or at least keep you on your toes.
5. Don’t let one mistake throw you off your game. If you screw up and end up with a girlfriend from Hell, throw her back and keep looking. The next woman does not want to carry your dating baggage, so you might as well drop that where you stand as well.
6. Be able to quickly assess the room. When you arrive somewhere with the intention of meeting women, look around. If there are no potential candidates in the room, evaluate if you want to stay or continue the hunt somewhere else.
7. Challenge the people you go out with. How do you find out if a person is truly the next big singing sensation? You put them through their paces, trying to find their limits. I am not a big fan of tests, but finding out how people act when they are outside their comfort zone can sometimes be very enlightening.
8. On American Idol, they are all competing for 24 spots; introduce some of your own scarcity by not chasing after every woman who winks at you. Be a little selective. A woman is less inclined to be interested if she thinks she can have you at any time. The reverse is also true, she will tend to show more interest if she thinks an opportunity with you is something she won’t get again.
9. Target the masses. When looking for women go to the places where they are in mass or come up with compelling reasons to invite them to where you are going to be. One gentleman I know has regular high end shoe and designer clothing sample sales at his home to attract the type of women he is after to his turf.
10. Once you figure out which people and situations encourage you to be a better man and which ones don’t, deal with them accordingly.

So, single or married, watch American Idol for the entertainment value, but think about what it must be like to date this or that person. As a single person, you can see first hand how many low and no talent sharks, snakes, slime-balls, sluts, and sleaze bags you might have to date in the Sea of Stupidity to single out your “special someone.”

If you are unhappy in your relationship, buck up, it is not that bad, even industry professionals occasionally let a talentless freak through the gates from time to time, you just do not have the luxury of a weekly mass vote by your friends to correct your mistake and send them home.

“Sing like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching and love like you have never been hurt.”

Picture courtesy of http://www.gambling911.com