Men's Guide to Women

I watched a movie with my wife last week called Good Luck Chuck where this guy, played by Dane Cook, tries to win back the heart of this girl he cannot let go of by giving her a room full of flowers, a closet full of balloons, a singing quartet serenade and himself in a giant present dressed as a giant penguin (as the woman in the story, played by Jessica Alba, loved penguins.)

What response does she have for this gargantuan display of affection?

“I need my space.”

Sadly, I see this story repeated in real life every other week usually arriving in the form of an email.

It usually goes something like:

I love her. She loves me. I love her more than anything, I can’t live without her. She says she needs space. I know she needs space, but I do not know how much to give her. She won’t return my calls now, but I know she still loves me. I love her so much I am not giving up; I had flowers delivered to her work. Why won’t she talk to me? What happened?

What happened in both of these instances can be summed up in a single word.

Suffocation or RDDA.

RDDA = Relationship Death by Dating Asphyxiation, or RDDA (pronounced rid-da, slang for “rid of” as in they want to get RDDA you.)

10 Tips That you may be Suffocating Someone

• You think that if giving a little bit of your attention is good then giving all of your attention must be fantastic.
• You call her more than once a day or leave multiple messages before she calls you back.
• She stops calling you back and/or changes her number.
• Your only desirable quality is your undying love for her.
• When you call she gives you one word answers and makes up any excuse to get you off the phone like “Hey, my cats on fire, gotta go!” Click.
• When in her presence she tries to keep you at least 18” away from her at all times, only offering up obligatory hugs and maybe a peck kiss. This is called proxemics, and you are being kept out of her personal space. If you are being kept at a distance of 4’ your relationship is toast.
• When you are convinced that even though your last gift was not that well received an even bigger/nicer gift/engagement ring would surely do the trick.
• When you find yourself saying “I can’t live without her,” or “I am afraid I am going to lose her,” or “I refuse to give up, I know she loves me” or “I know she would love me if only I could express my deepest feelings for her.”
• You find yourself wanting to randomly show up at her home or work repeatedly because you feel you are not getting enough face time or have trouble getting her on the phone.
• You set her MySpace page as your internet homepage.

• When you hear them say “Give me some space,” or “stop suffocating me.” Yeah, I know, that one should be obvious, but if you are resorting to checking items off on this list, taking subtle hints is probably not your forte.

Takeaway

It feels good to be wanted, it feels down right creepy to be worshiped 24/7. A woman wants to be part of your life; she does not want to be your entire life.

Your life cannot revolve around hers. Trust me, if you see her as your Sun, she will only see you as her Son (of a b*tch stalker.)

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