Men's Guide to Women

A Letter from a Reader:

Archer,

     My husband and I live busy lives and our sexual encounters are always planned and never spontaneous.  I decided to be spontaneous and I grabbed his penis. He got upset and said I was being too rough. It was in the morning when he usually has the best erection so I was being spontaneous. Nonetheless we did not have sex that morning cause I was then turned off and so was he.

We discussed it later and he felt I grabbed it not to initiate sex but to control him. I disagree, so we are at a standstill on this issue.

What advice would you give me on this issue and how do we resolve it?

                                                                                                                                                          - Glo

Glo -  

A woman that initiates sex is never a bad thing in my book.  I think I could get a “Hell Ya!” from most of the men out there on that point.  However the idea is that it is supposed to be arousing to both of you. 

Sounds like you were being bold and a little bit daring but ended up getting your feelings hurt when your advance was spurned.  He sounds like he was in fear/shock and trying to get his little buddy out of a meat grinder before it was too late.

Think of it this way. When your husband touches you it can feel like anything from disgusting to amazing based on your mood and how skilled he is at using just the right touch.  Being too forceful with your parts ceases to be pleasurable and starts to hurt, endorphins or no endorphins.

Ok, throw all that out, here is my answer.

Try not to treat “It” like the keys to the car you grab off the counter and jam into the ignition to go where you want to go.

Instead, treat “It” with the care and caressing you give a new baby. Be slow, be careful, be gentle, soft kisses, gentle touches, gently run your fingers over the soft skin. A little eye contact (with the big head, not the little one) can go a long way as well.

I think your advances will be more welcomed and he might pay some extra special attention to you to try and encourage that behavior in the future, it just depends upon which head he is thinking with at the time.

Archer Parish

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