Men's Guide to Women

After watching American Idol for the first couple of nights (yes, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery,) I now understand why people are looking for a faster way to date, and why online dating is exploding.

My epiphany came while watching the masses sing badly. A few of these vocal giants had the audacity to get angry when that simple fact that they cannot sing was pointed out to them.

Amazingly, on something tangible like the sound of ones own voice, seemingly normal people begged, argued, cussed, broke out a hand gesture or two, and in one fine example, bent over putting their butt in the camera telling Simon to kiss their backside, threatening to moon the audience, imagine how reasonable and lucent these people are with the intangibles, such as their own emotions and feelings for themselves and others.

It is somewhat sobering to think that somebody somewhere is dating, has dated, or is/was married to some of these people.

When dating, your perspective is limited by only seeing one or two people at a time. So a string of hags, hounds, and horror stories can just seem like bad luck, but watching American Idol you get some much needed perspective of the bigger picture on just how strange and delusional some humans can be.

American Idol proves that one problem with dating today is that we spend way too much time with the rejects and the emotionally challenged and not nearly enough time with the small percentage of people that have the right stuff. Efficiency is key to dating because millions of people are just, well, emotional ignoramuses.

In any American city, American Idol draws 15-25,000 potential candidates or “dates” for their show, but only 1/10^th of 1%, or roughly 20 people, will actually “go to Hollywood.”

If a person is not sharp enough to realize something tangible, oh like the fact your average bowl of Rice Krispies sings better than they do, how could that person possibly be considered competent enough to successfully gauge intangibles like their own feelings, let alone pick a partner to last a lifetime?

With so many potentially emotionally incompetent boobs walking around putting the normal citizen at risk, I am surprised there has not been a call for government dating legislation.

Fortunately, we are nearly as picky in selecting our dates as we are in selecting our American Idols. Most people will date far less than 100 people in a lifetime, let alone the 100,000 plus that will try out for a given season of American Idol.

Taking a few pointers from American Idol, here are 10 things you can do to bump the speed and quality of your dating game.

1. Take a tip from Simon; be able to be honest and tell the person you are dating that they are not right for you so you are not wasting weeks and months with a person that does not make long term sense.
2. Have a game plan or preset criteria of what you are looking for so you know it when you find it.
3. Get some help wading through the masses. Tell your friends what you are looking for in a woman and see if they can turn up any potential females for you.
4. Listen to the feedback from others. Follow your gut, but keep your ears open to what your friends are saying. They may offer a different perspective that may shed some clarity on the long term viability of your new relationship, or at least keep you on your toes.
5. Don’t let one mistake throw you off your game. If you screw up and end up with a girlfriend from Hell, throw her back and keep looking. The next woman does not want to carry your dating baggage, so you might as well drop that where you stand as well.
6. Be able to quickly assess the room. When you arrive somewhere with the intention of meeting women, look around. If there are no potential candidates in the room, evaluate if you want to stay or continue the hunt somewhere else.
7. Challenge the people you go out with. How do you find out if a person is truly the next big singing sensation? You put them through their paces, trying to find their limits. I am not a big fan of tests, but finding out how people act when they are outside their comfort zone can sometimes be very enlightening.
8. On American Idol, they are all competing for 24 spots; introduce some of your own scarcity by not chasing after every woman who winks at you. Be a little selective. A woman is less inclined to be interested if she thinks she can have you at any time. The reverse is also true, she will tend to show more interest if she thinks an opportunity with you is something she won’t get again.
9. Target the masses. When looking for women go to the places where they are in mass or come up with compelling reasons to invite them to where you are going to be. One gentleman I know has regular high end shoe and designer clothing sample sales at his home to attract the type of women he is after to his turf.
10. Once you figure out which people and situations encourage you to be a better man and which ones don’t, deal with them accordingly.

So, single or married, watch American Idol for the entertainment value, but think about what it must be like to date this or that person. As a single person, you can see first hand how many low and no talent sharks, snakes, slime-balls, sluts, and sleaze bags you might have to date in the Sea of Stupidity to single out your “special someone.”

If you are unhappy in your relationship, buck up, it is not that bad, even industry professionals occasionally let a talentless freak through the gates from time to time, you just do not have the luxury of a weekly mass vote by your friends to correct your mistake and send them home.

“Sing like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching and love like you have never been hurt.”

Picture courtesy of http://www.gambling911.com

I have solved one of the universal puzzles in life.

All of my adult life I have been watching two dating scenarios unfold before my very eyes that did not seem to reconcile. It did not seem possible that both scenarios could co-exist except on a case by case basis. Or so I thought.

Scenario 1: Nice guys and geek friends of mine complaining, first over root beers, now over cold beers about their lack of success dating beautiful women, and the lack of attention they are getting from these women as well, even though they are the (self proclaimed) epitome of the nice guy, being considerate, warm and funny, just the guys these women always say they are after.

Scenario 2: Walking around anywhere there are large numbers of people, I invariably see some amazing women that seem quite content with complete geeks, oddballs, freaks, nerds or other member of one or another fringe class of guys they are dating or in relationships with.

Why do some beautiful women date geeks while other geeks cannot get past hello with any woman?  

Until recently, the only way I could reconcile that in my head was to simply write it off as “that guy got lucky”, “she does not know how beautiful she really is,” or “she is just one of a very small number of women that like to date geeky guys.”

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong again.

Finally, after completing a recent interview and going back over my notes with some other dating research I was hit with an amazing ah-ha moment.

I figured it out.

I always thought women wanted to go out with popular, confident and successful men.

Just because a guy is popular, confident and successful in his own right, does not mean he is not a nerd, geek or a dork. A popular nerd? Yes, they are all over the place.

• Women want men that are popular, but by popular I mean popular in any social circle that women can be or are a part of and where demonstrating confidence and success are possible.

• Women want men that are confident, but they do not care as to the source of the confidence. That confidence could be from being an exceptional chess player, an amazing network administrator, a great trumpet player, or by being exceptionally smart.  The source of that confidence can be anything, she just wants the confident end product.

• Women want men that are successful. To a degree this goes hand in hand with popularity. It could be that the popularity creates the contacts that in turn help a man find success or it could be a skill that creates the success and in turn makes a man popular. Women do not necessarily care about the source of the success; they just want to see success.

For almost every class and occupation of man there is a group of women that like that class and occupation and are attracted to the most successful confident guys in that group.

Let’s look at three examples.

Death row inmate. How does this guy meet a woman and get married while on death row? Simple, his crime creates the celebrity or popularity to attract the attention of women interested in that kind of man. You could argue, in a sick way, that she was attracted to his success. She could also be a woman wanting to fix or reform him.

Band Geek. Why is that beautiful woman with that band geek? Because he is not your ordinary average band geek, he has confidence brought about by being one of the best in the band. He is good at what matters to his social circle and as a result he is rewarded with attention from females that are part of that social circle.

Traveling Magazine Salesman. How does a traveling magazine salesman attract a woman? By selling the most magazines day in and day out, raising him in the ranks of other magazine salespeople and earning quality time with the females traveling around in the group as well.

Would any of these example men stand a chance with the women that, let’s say, follows NFL football players? No. They would be out of their area of expertise and away from their natural support base.

Because it is an easy one to follow, let’s take the band geek as an example and look closely at what happens to him socially as he gains popularity, confidence and success.

Band Geek decides to join the band at school, playing drums. Skill zero, popularity and success zero (unless he is carrying any popularity or skill points over from another social group.)

Band Geek practices and gets pretty good on the drums, picks up some skill and some popularity in the band social group and begins to attract the attention of females in the band.

Band Geek gets better at the drums and decides to setup a garage band with a few of his buddies. Skill medium, band skill zero, no songs, no success, social group of females from the band are still in play.

Eventually the Band Geek’s band gets good enough to finish a set and land a small gig somewhere. Now there are females interested from the same band social circle and a new club/band social circle that includes a local groupie or two.

Band Geek and the boys play in the local clubs and get their name on the sign out front on Friday and Saturday night. They get more exposure and the quantity and quality of groupie go up. Once Band Geek appears to have left the band social group he may lose his female followers from that group as well.

Band Geek and the boys hit the road opening for a mega band, increasing their exposure looking more like rock gods than garage flunkies. Again, the quantity and quality of the women/groupies go up yet again.

Band Geek and the boys become a mega band with buckets and buckets of women/groupies all over the place.

Band Geek may be a rock & roll god, but is he still a band geek? Yes. They are all still the same band geeks. The difference is in the popularity, confidence, and success they have collected along the way.

Do hot women go out with band geeks? Yes…. They…..Do.

Heidi Klum & Seal

Lia Neil & Vince Neil (of Motley Crue fame)

Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee (of Motley Crue fame)

Pamela Anderson & Kidd Rock

Mitzi Martin & Josh Todd (of Buckcherry fame)

Heather Locklear & Richie Sambora (of Bon Jovi fame)

Trisha Yearwood & Garth Brooks

Jennifer Love Hewitt & John Mayer

Shannon Tweed & Gene Simmons (of KISS fame)

The Takeaway for the Average Guy

• Determine what you are good at. Where do you experience success? Where is it that you feel best about yourself? Maybe you are a master Trivial Pursuit player. Maybe you are a good piano player. Maybe you are a World of Warcraft master.

• Define your social circles. Where do you work? What are your hobbies? (i.e. people that work on genealogy, people that play online computer games, people that are woodworkers, people that blog, people that Digg!, whatever your hobby is) What groups or organizations do you belong to (church, charitable, sports, social?)

• Look for areas where what you are good at, and your social circles intersect or where you feel the best about yourself. These are areas where you can demonstrate some success and bump your popularity in that particular social group.

• Look for women that are part of one of your social groups, where you can demonstrate skill and have some confidence/popularity. These women should be your first targets as they are already part of your life in some way if only as a bit player.

What do you do if you are not good at anything or there are no women in any of your social circles?

Well, that should tell you why you are having a problem getting a date. You have to go outside of all your social circles to find someone.

Add to your existing social circles, drop a social circle or two, or reshuffle them in importance to find a social circle that has women as a part of it where you can demonstrate some success earn some popularity.

Get good at something. It does not matter what it is just that you are good at it. The more specialized the skill, the smaller the group of women you will have to pick from.

Look for bigger and bigger stages to demonstrate your skill to attract a wider pool of women. An example would be if you are a hard core gamer, enter a tournament to get exposure. If you are a working professional, look for professional organizations or groups outside of work like groups dedicated to accountants, lawyers, architects, engineers, etc. Again, the bigger the stage the more females there will be interested in the popular, confident and successful guys in that group.

When all else fails, it comes back to confidence. Confidence is what allows you to fake it until you make it.

Get good at what you do and there will always be women that want to do you.

-Archer Parish

Image provided by staticfade.blogspot.com

There has got to be a better way to find a date than by a picture and a paragraph

Click to read more ...

If are continually facing challenges in the dating world maybe these six steps can get you going. Warning! There is real work involved. To ease the pain take a look at Isabeli Fontana

Click to read more ...

Geek Guide Pt. II: Getting Presentable, How to Approach and What to Say to an Attractive Female.

Click to read more ...

Can’t find the right woman? All you attract are the ugly she devils and the screaming psychotic banshees? They are only after your (insert your issue here), they do not love you for you. Women don’t understand you? Women don’t get you? Today we fix you Madison Avenue style.

Click to read more ...

Geek Guide - Getting presentable, getting past female worship and stalking and finding, meeting and beginning to talk to that perfect female.

Click to read more ...